To Drink or Not to Drink: Should you drink around others who have a problem with alcohol?

To Drink or Not to Drink: Should you drink around others who have a problem with alcohol?

For any Christian who has been involved in addiction, or for someone who has family members or loved ones who struggle with addiction, one of the challenging things can be how to view and respond to social drinking in others. There are some very strong feelings out there. In this entry, I am going to apply a chapter by the Apostle Paul in the book of Romans to this painful but important question.

One caveat: this entry will not be addressing the decision a spouse makes in regards to drinking when their husband or wife is an alcoholic. This entry is focused instead on how to respond to others, such as friends, those with whom you worship, and even extended family, when they do not hold the same beliefs you do about drinking alcohol.

One of the most powerful scriptures that can be applied to the decision whether or not to drink in the presence of others or whether someone should drink at all is Romans 14. This passage can be helpful to so many areas of life and can definitely be applied to a lot of questions about whether we should consume alcohol or get involved in anything else that looks like an addiction. Before you continue reading this entry here, read chapter 14 of Romans. Read it straight through. Then read it straight through again in another bible version. Then slowly read through each section and take notes. Lots of notes. Write out your thoughts and understandings about how this passage could apply to you and to your views on alcohol, drugs, and addiction. Think about not only how it might apply to the topic of these entries, drugs, alcohol, and addiction, but also about how it might apply to any number of areas in your life. I really encourage you to take the time to do this before you read on in this entry.

Reading Break

O.K., so let’s look at Romans 14 together. Here is the actual text.

1Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

5One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. 6Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. 7For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. 8If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord….

12So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God. 13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 14I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

Now let’s take each verse apart and apply it specifically to alcohol. Below I have reworded Romans 14 to apply specifically to the use of alcohol. Read it carefully.

1Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. 2One person’s faith allows them to drink alcohol, but another, whose faith is weak, drinks only non-alcoholic beverages. 3The one who feels free to drink alcohol must not treat with contempt the one who does not drink alcohol or believes drinking alcohol is wrong, and the one who does not believe in drinking alcohol must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. 4Who are you to judge someone who is God’s servant about whether they drink alcohol or not.

5Each man should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6Whoever chooses to drink does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains from drinking does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God. None of us decides to drink for ourselves alone, and none of decides not to drink for ourselves alone. If we choose to drink, we do it for the Lord; and if we choose not to drink, we do that for the Lord…

12So then, each of us will give an account of our choices about alcohol to God. Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another about our choices about alcohol. 13Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister in the area of drinking. 14Alcohol is not unclean in and of itself. But if anyone regards alcohol as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you drink, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your drinking destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18Because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of alcohol. All alcohol is clean, but it is wrong or a person to drink anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

22So whatever you believe about drinking alcohol, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if they drink, because their drinking is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

What do we find when we apply Romans 14 to the use of alcohol specifically? The drinking of alcohol is considered a disputable matter. Even if you don’t agree with that sentence, you can agree that people definitely dispute about it. Disputable matters are when someone feels strongly that something is a wrong practice and another person does not believe there is anything wrong with doing that. Both parties will often have different scriptures to back up their view, but there may not be any definitive scripture to say who's wrong and who's right. That is the disputable part. Paul describes it well when he tells us not to quarrel about disputable matters (v. 1). He then says “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. None of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone.” When people insist on making an argument about a disputable matter, it then becomes an issue of passing judgment. Paul emphasizes that we need to be thoughtful, loving, caring, and considerate of others, realizing that our life affects those around us profoundly. Yet at the same time, someone should also not impose their beliefs on another, condemning that person for something that in their understanding of the scriptures is not actually wrong. The person who feels free to drink would be completely in the wrong to mock someone who believes it is wrong. The one who believes we should abstain from drinking must see that God accepts the person who drinks and doesn’t judge them.

Here is another important point. Alcohol in and of itself is not unclean. Food in and of itself is not unclean. Sex in and of itself is actually a beautiful thing as God created it and in and of itself is not evil, dirty, or unclean. Most would say that the practice of playing games, even games of chance, is not in and of itself sin or unclean. This is similar to the scripture, “the love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). This scripture gets misquoted regularly. The common quote is “money is the root of all evil.” But money itself is not evil. It is the love of money that is the problem. This can be said for gambling. To gamble in and of itself is not the problem, but the love of gambling, or a debaucherous practice of gambling, is absolutely problematic. Gambling is a tough call on what would be considered debaucherous, because much of gambling occurs in environments where most everyone around are involved in a debaucherous practice and for a follower of Jesus, circumstances do warrant serious attention in deciding whether to engage in some practice.

Now it is important to note that the application of these principles does not equally apply to any of the illegal drugs, first of all due to their illegality. We are commanded to obey the governing authorities (Romans 13:1). The primary issue for all illicit drugs is that one hit, one snort, one injection, one use creates intoxication and would not ever fall within godly use. Things do get a little more complicated with prescription drug abuse. Prescription pain killers, including medical marijuana, can be necessary for medical reasons, but the moment someone uses them for something other than relieving physical pain as prescribed by a doctor, as for instance using them to relieve emotional distress or to reach a high, their use can now be compared to “mixing bowls of wine” and the sparkles, strange sights, and "lying on top of the rigging" of Proverbs 23.

The stumbling block. How does that apply to daily life? It appears that what Paul is saying is if your drinking causes someone else to want to drink or if it causes damage to their faith, you have entered very dangerous territory. Paul addresses this very strongly and clearly. “If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you drink (rewritten version), you are no longer acting in love” (Rom 14:15). Is your choice causing someone distress? It is vital that this is addressed. Yes that individual can strengthen their weak faith, but in the meantime you have an edict from God. Love your brother. Love your sister. And do not forget that following Jesus is about righteousness, peace, and love. Causing division is dealt with very strongly in the scriptures. Causing the weak and young to stumble is also strongly addressed. It would be incredibly unkind if, while you are spending time with someone who has been or is an alcoholic, you drink in front of them. Jesus even said that, for someone who causes another to stumble, “it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea” (Luke 9:42). Those words could not get much stronger.

So what about how strongly the weak feels? As has already been pointed out, it is just as wrong for the individual who thinks that all types of drinking and gambling are ungodly to condemn the user outright. Paul actually recommends for them to keep their views to themselves. This is a hard balance. Openness is crucial to unity. Working through differences is essential. Remember Paul’s injunction that “there be no divisions among you” (1 Cor 1:10). Claiming something is unclean when God has not called it unclean is playing Judge, and that role is God’s. Self-righteousness can creep in so easily and can come in the guise of genuine passionate conviction. If you find yourself having a hard time seeing this discussion as one of mutual edification, then you may want to check the tone of your heart and words.

Ultimately, we all need to decide within our own minds and with our own convictions what we believe (Romans 14:5). And then not look down on someone else who comes to a different conclusion. There is a continual call throughout the scriptures, and throughout Paul’s letters, to do everything to glorify God. Ask yourself that? Is that your focus? Is your primary concern to bring glory to God? Remember, above all, love for God and love for your neighbor are the two greatest commandments and that everything else falls under them.