What is individual recovery?

What is Individual Recovery?

Ask yourself, have you had too much to drink and regretted it afterwards? Is your spouse concerned by how much time or money you spend in some pursuit? Have you spent money you really shouldn’t have either gambling or shopping? Have you blacked out from alcohol? Do you take your prescription drug for other reasons than your doctor prescribed? Do you hide how much you eat, maybe throwing up or restricting at other times to compensate? Have you tried to stop any of this, and not been able to? Do you spend time planning in your head the next time you can get on the computer, the next time you can go out and gamble, how to get the money to give the dealer whose phone number you still have in your phone? Have you gone to that party, that fun event, that night out, that wedding/birthday celebration/company event and sworn to yourself that you weren’t going to have more than two, and you had more? Do you keep promising yourself you will stop looking at pornography but you keep turning to those sites?

How else it is it effecting you? Have you messed up your finances because you keep spending it on these things? When you are stressed, worried, frustrated, bored, sad, depressed, do you find yourself reaching for it, going to it, turning it on, eating it, drinking it, taking it, buying it, to relieve that feeling? Is it causing conflict with your spouse, with your friends, with your kids, with your coworkers? Do you feel guilty about it and keep it hidden? Whatever it is, you are reading this because you’re thinking you may need some help.

So what is recovery? There are several resources on this site. Some of them are geared toward the individual in recovery. Most are geared toward the couple in recovery. The reality is, whatever you call this process, this healing from compulsive use, addiction, problematic use of a substance or a behavior of some kind, it is a process. Recovery is a process. A process that, in order to work, has to be given your best effort and will need a lot of support.

There are many different ideas of what constitutes recovery. First of all, someone has to realize there is a problem; that they have a problem. Call it what you want: addiction, compulsive use, abuse, overuse…. it’s a problem. It may be difficult for you to put a name to it because you’re really having a hard time saying or believing it is a problem. You may feel like those kinds of words don’t apply to you. That may be the first thing to face. Recovery is truly possible when someone is able to admit that they have a problem.

So, again, what is recovery? Recovery is a process that someone has to be committed to in order to overcome dependence on a substance or a lifestyle behavior. The process of recovery is not the same as sobriety. Someone can be sober, can quit drinking, smoking, shooting up, using, gambling, shopping, overeating, viewing porn, etc., and yet not be in the process of recovery. Stopping use is a part of recovery, but all by itself, stopping is not recovery. Recovery goes much further. It is the determination to understand the pulls and enticements of that substance, that behavior. It is the willingness to figure out what the draw is. And it is the commitment to put into practice the kind of things needed to bring about change.

Recovery includes the determination to understand what your use actually does for you. It does something for you. It may bring you excitement. It may solve your boredom. It may make you feel good physically. It may help you forget stuff, at least temporarily. It may help you get stuff done. It may make social situations easier. It may make sex easier. It may feel like the one fun thing you have going in life. It may relieve your stress. It may be soothing. It may make things more fun. It does something for you. Part of recovery is recognizing what need the use meets.

It is important to understand that recovery is not a week, a month, a year. It is a process that definitely can take years, or even a lifetime. Does someone ever recover? Are they ever recovered? Are they ever healed? That is the question. Well, there are a lot of different thoughts about that. Some recovery programs view recovery as lifelong, other programs view it as a process leading to complete healing. Whatever the program, and whatever your belief (and believe me, that belief may change over time), being committed to the process of recovery can lead to changes you may have begun to feel would never happen.

I have had many individuals who have come to see me, confident in their recovery. They have stayed off alcohol for 5 months; they haven’t looked at pornography is 2 months; they haven’t taken a hit in over a year; they haven’t gone to/bought/sold/eaten/done any of that for over a year. So now they are all past that. Right? The reality is, in most of the literature on recovery, the first several months of not using are still considered a time of crisis management. The first year is but the first part of early recovery. In fact, early recovery is actually up to 2 or 3 years. Middle recovery would be more like 3-5 years, and late recovery, or maintainance, would be more like 5 plus years. Maintaining recovery is a lifetime commitment no matter how you view it or what program you use to get there.

Recovery includes several other things. It is the acknowledgement that you need help, support, accountability, teaching, prayer, guidance, challenge, truth. It is the time spent in individual and group support. You need someone committed to helping you but you also need a community of support, people that get it, who’ve been there, and are an example of how to overcome. It is the willingness to face the damage your use may have caused: to yourself, to your family, to your friendships, to your finances, to your body, to your work, to your community. It is the determination to look at yourself in the mirror, and not forget what you saw; that ability to face the ugly things you may have done, or the embarrassing or destructive choices you have made. And then to find the road to healing.

So, where does recovery start? One place it can start is with taking a good look and realizing you have a problem. This may include letting others tell you what they see. Don’t run away from it. Go ahead and look at it. Then go get some help. Look up a support group. Get a sponsor. Go see a therapist. Ask your family member or your spouse to join you when you are ready. Reach out to get the help you need to get on and stay on that road.

← Older Post