Overcoming challenges specific to alcohol addiction

If you ask the average person what drug people are most commonly addicted to, you might get a wide variety of responses. The answer is alcohol. It has been mentioned here that the legal drugs are some of the most addicting: caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. Of these and all of the illegal drugs, including the sometimes legal, sometimes illegal drug marijuana, the most commonly abused drug is alcohol.

Abuse of alcohol can start early for many; 12 or 13 years old is not uncommon. In fact, research has shown that those who start drinking before 19 have a much more difficult time achieving lasting sobriety in adulthood. Why? Well, that is a good question. But one view is that the use of alcohol during the formative years of development short circuits healthy emotional development and well as the growth of healthy intimacy skills. Alcohol becomes the tool used to manage emotion and difficult feelings like social anxiety, anger, hurt, sadness, fear, hopeless, and insecurity. In order to have fun with friends or to feel confident sexually, alcohol becomes the relaxer and the courage producer. When that adolescent then becomes an adult, genuine engagement without alcohol, or some other drug, is very difficult or may even feel impossible.

For women specifically, alcohol is often used to help them relax and enjoy sex. Alcohol is the great disinhibitor and for some women, they feel a much greater willingness to engage in sex as they believe their partner would like. It is also common for men and women to use alcohol to manage anxiety overall. How many come home from a difficult day or week at work and say "I need that glass of wine" and "I deserve that beer." Alcohol is a relaxer. In and of itself, that is not problematic. The challenge comes when men or women use alcohol to cope with the anxiety of life. When any substance goes from enjoyment to a way of coping, the road to it becoming addictive has become smoother. Literally. "Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly!" (Prov 23:31) What is that about? What's wrong with how it goes down smoothly? Isn't that the exact language to describe good wine. "Oh that is so smooth." The book of Proverbs are wise sayings, so remember, they are not commands. However, listen to why we should not take to gazing at that wine. "In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper." (Prov 23:32) So pay attention. Be alert. If wine, or beer, or any form of alcohol goes from enjoyment to anxiety reducer, or any other emotion smoother, it may have a hold on you.

So, perhaps it already has gotten ahold of you and you are trying to shake it's grip. It is an uphill battle to decide to stop drinking. There are so many things saying it is not a big deal. "Drink Responsibly" begins to say "you can still drink responsibly." And perhaps you can. Or perhaps you cannot. Worldwide culture supports the drinking of alcohol. "Can't wait to have that glass of wine... that beer" is the way co-workers say goodbye to one another after a day at work. Gifts at work parties are typically some form of alcohol. There have been so many in my therapy office who have shared how someone, a co-worker, a friend, will say to them, with a tone of incredulity, "you don't drink?" Like, are you crazy. Advertisements tell you that if you really want to have fun and be a part of the crowd, have that drink in your hand. If you really want to enjoy a romantic time with your partner, include that glass. Messages that encourage drinking permeate our lifestyles. So yes, the battle to not drink, or to drink less, is not only a battle with the self. It is a battle with society. 

So one of the first specific challenges specific to alcohol is recognizing it's pervasiveness and the absolute acceptance of this substance. That in and of itself is an important step. it is not a small thing to look around you and begin to notice all the messages that say "drink". Sometimes individuals cannot notice these messages until they have had a period of complete sobriety. It is then that they begin to notice the thousandfold ways they are told from their culture to just have that drink. They begin to realize how much they view life through the lens of alcohol; how much the focus of their life was controlled by what, where, when, and how to drink. 

Some of the other challenges specific to alcohol are the physical consequences. There will be a later entry that explores this in more detail but it is important to note here that all poisons are filtered through the liver. The liver's job is to break down the toxins in alcohol and when someone consumes an excess of alcohol, this can lead to a fatty liver, and, for some, to cirrhosis. In a similar fashion, alcohol also causes weight gain throughout the body. Drinking alcohol also causes water loss, electrolyte depletion, vitamin deficiency (which can lead to malnutrition) and pancreatitis. Alcohol creates problems with sexual functioning for men (erectile functioning) and women (ability to reach orgasm). And of course, for women, alcohol during pregnancy can cause fetal alcohol syndrome in the fetus. The bible even details some of the physical consequences of alcohol such as reeling and staggering (Job 12:25; Jer 23:9), vomiting (Is 28:7,8; Jer 25:27, 48:26; Hosea 7:5), and dull eyes (Gen 29:12). There are behavioral consequences such as mocking and brawling (Prov 20:1, Is 28:7), judgment impairment (Prov 31:5, Is 28:7), and indecent exposure (Hab 2:15-16).

For couples, there are some specific challenges with alcohol. What if one partner decides to abstain and the other ceos not. Some couples work this out smoothly while it can cause significant conflict for others. At times, a partner of an alcoholic feels resentful that they have to give up something they enjoy just because their spouse cannot control their use of alcohol. These feelings can especially happen if there are unresolved traumas and hurts that happened during use. On the other side of the issue, a partner may feel unsupported in their process of recovery and wellness if a spouse continues to drink. They can feel like they are alone and that their spouse has little understanding of how hard it is to stop drinking. Partners can feel abandoned when their spouse does not support them by also choosing not to drink. On the other hand, partners who have decided they can no longer drink feel incredibly loved and supported when their spouse willingly joins them in their choice to not include alcohol in their lives. For many, it may be a choice of how important is alcohol going to be in comparison to how much I love my spouse. So how does a couple overcome this possible discrepancy? The first step is to talk about it. First, working through the damage in the past is vital. Next, talk about the process of recovery. How do you feel it is going? Do you each feel you are getting the support you need from others; from each other? How do you feel about not drinking? What impact does that and will that have? How essential is it to each of you that you both do not drink? How will you handle parties, holidays, family gatherings, and weddings? Talk about it. Talk about it. Be there for each other. Remember that as you have these conversations, it will bring up a lot. Get the help you need to get to the point that you can lovingly and safely share these things with each other.